16 January 2015 by Published in: Uncategorized 13 comments

I’ve watched the latest craze of crowdfunding virtually everything from cosmetic surgery to book publishing, and in light of the acceptance of the practice by some of my fellow authors, have started my own crowdfunding effort.

Because I need me a motherf#cking jet.

But who’s got the money to buy one? Not I.

Instead, I want others who presumably work hard for their cash, or don’t (it’s okay if pops was rich – I don’t hate you for being the lucky sperm as long as you toss some cheddar my way), to fund my platinum level travel experience. Because, like so many authors who haven’t gotten around to saving the money to fund the creation of their book but want it now if not sooner, I’m kind of impatient and don’t want to wait.

I know, I know, you’re thinking moral hazard, but that’s so oh-fourteen. Tut tut, I say, it’s a new era, one in which I shouldn’t be expected to scrimp and save and do without in order to chase my dream. Not if I can convince you to pay for it for me.

So here’s the deal. I’ll send everyone who contributes to ensuring that I wing my way around the world in high style, custom digital photographs of myself swigging mimosas with supermodels aboard my new Falcon or Hawker or Gulfstream, or if I have to slum for shorter hops, a Lear 35. I’ll also throw in five minutes of personalized phone consultation with someone purporting to be me, who might have a slightly Indian accent but whom I assure you is actually me.

I only need a few million bucks to do this, and I just know you wouldn’t want me to continue to have to fly commercial, exposing myself to dangers like Ebola, the flu, and boredom as fellow travelers recount tedious stories about their forgettable lives.

If it’s acceptable to crowdfund my production of a book I intend to sell for profit (or as I think of it, my lottery ticket), it’s got to be acceptable for my jet needs, right?

Worst case, if I don’t raise sufficient funds to buy something really bitchin, my next crowdfund will be for a year’s worth of jet charter, and I’ll just have to reconcile myself to the humiliation of having to share the butter soft leather of my preferred conveyance with paunchy hedge fund managers & investment bankers. I presume they sterilize the seats between flights, so I’m pretty sure I’ll be fine.

For those of you reading between the lines, thinking this might be a sly dig at those who have their hands out for you to subsidize their dream so they can enjoy immediate gratification with zero sacrifice or risk, well, I say don’t be hatahs.

I love everyone equally. I mean, I love those who contribute serious loot to my effort way more than those that don’t, but as kind of a general statement, it’s roughly equal.

Now ante up. And as always…buy my crap.

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Comments

  1. Fri 16th Jan 2015 at 9:19 pm

    I’ve bought every book you’ve published, so I’ve done my part to contribute to the supermodel/jet fund.

    Keep saving.

    Maybe a stripper and a Cessna for now? Times are tough.

    Reply
  2. Jan
    Fri 16th Jan 2015 at 11:44 pm

    You poor bestselling author, you 🙂 I bought your ebooks so I hope that contributes some coins to cover the costs of your JET fuel.

    Reply
  3. Kendra
    Sat 17th Jan 2015 at 12:09 am

    Hahaha!!! I love this SO much!!!! It actually made me laugh out loud!

    Reply
  4. Sat 17th Jan 2015 at 1:04 am

    RB: This is a classic.

    Reply
  5. Nicole Underhill
    Sat 17th Jan 2015 at 7:01 am

    You really should put this up!

    Reply
  6. Sat 17th Jan 2015 at 9:43 am

    I find these crowdfunders interesting in that they give us an overview of the populations opinion or likes and dislikes.

    For example, I saw one for a new luggage design with integrated GPS, weight scale, USB plugs, etc. Goal was $50K and when I saw it, funding had already surpassed $250K. This demonstrates people love traveling with reliable luggage.

    However, I saw another where the guy was looking for $10K to move to Sweden because this was his dream but nobody had contributed. This demonstrates people hate Sweden. 🙂

    Reply
    • Russell Blake  –  Sat 17th Jan 2015 at 4:40 pm

      F#cking Swederland.

      Reply
  7. D.L. shutter
    Sat 17th Jan 2015 at 4:06 pm

    Russell

    I’m just back from a 6 month Navy deployment and am getting caught up on a lot of blog reading. Having a good time reading your last several posts, thanks for all the advice. Read a bunch of your book while underway too. Good stuff. Thanks for helping to pass the time.

    I’m not opposed to crowd funding, I think it can definitely help developments that otherwise wouldn’t happen, but I also agree with your stance as far as some writers campaigns are concerned. I still can’t fathom why hard (and sound) business minded advice like yours seems to have such a feverous lightning rod effect for so many.

    Myself and a lot of others miss you over at KB, BTW

    Reply
    • Russell Blake  –  Sat 17th Jan 2015 at 4:39 pm

      I don’t understand why it’s so despised by some, either. I mean, if someone wants to come along and tell me that prayer, or positive thinking, or using a Ouija board will result in improved sales or success of some sort, I’d simply say, prove it. I wouldn’t get angry or view it as a personal attack on my beliefs. I think the problem at KB is that so many have bought into writing as either a thinly veiled entitlement program that has yet to pay out, or some sort of religion wherein they just have to believe hard enough and things will happen, that they view business-minded counsel as threatening to the artificial construct that is their worldview. I’m not saying mine is the only way to do things, but it does seem to produce consistent results for many who have put it to use. So it does have the going for it, whereas so many of the alternative approaches amount to magical thinking or outright delusion.

      And also because there are certain personality types that just don’t want to hear that really hard work, and lots of it, might just be one of the secrets to success. Because if they bought into that, then they’d have to work really hard for a long time, and still likely not succeed, and that’s somewhat depressing – they need or want to believe that success is just around the next corner if they only utter the right words or think the right thoughts. I’m a total buzz kill WRT that sort of thing.

      Reply
    • cinisajoyc  –  Mon 19th Jan 2015 at 6:29 pm

      Russell,
      I will fund your JET fuel, if you will contribute to my LIMO fund. Hey I need a driver.

      AT D.L. ,
      We can always find Russell’s wisdom here.

      Reply
  8. Sat 17th Jan 2015 at 5:32 pm

    Thank you. I so needed this laugh. Today has been irritating as hell. I’m planning a family reunion. I cannot stand my family. Perhaps I can crowdfund a new family?

    Reply
    • Russell Blake  –  Sat 17th Jan 2015 at 6:50 pm

      Boy, let me know how that goes. That would almost be better than a jet.

      Reply
  9. Collette
    Mon 19th Jan 2015 at 7:47 pm

    I could use some crowdfunding just because…I’m 74, have a husband, partially homebound, read a lot, don’t drive anymore but crave a Pantera…. Anyone interested just send funds to RB and I’m sure he’ll share after his plane and crew are taken care of for foreseeable future.
    Oh, sorry RB. I neglected to run this plan by you first. If you’re too ticked just forget it…I’ll still buy all the crap you can publish.

    Reply

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