25 January 2015 by Published in: Uncategorized 44 comments

I recognize that this is an extremely charged subject, but I’m never one to back away from controversy, and I’m not about to start now. So if you can’t handle the truth, stop reading now, because this is going to ruffle a lot of feathers.

I woke up today, read the news, and realized I must have been living in a cave for the last few years. And I’m not talking one of those comfortable, government-provided caves, either. I’m talking stone, moss, lichen, the real thing. I guess I’m the last one on the planet to have heard about the latest threat to freedom from the dark forces of tyranny: Muslin extremists.

Apparently these bastards aren’t content with their preferences, their lifestyle, their beliefs. They want everyone else to defer to their dogma and kowtow to their tastes. They refuse to integrate into Western society, preferring to live apart, while harshly judging anyone who doesn’t share similar views – and in extreme cases, acting out with appalling violence.

You can see where this goes. Pretty soon our women are being raped, our country is in tatters, our entire way of life goes into the crapper. Cats dance with dogs, the sun bleeds poison, we’re all speaking French or something, and the only available programming is reality TV featuring celebrity chefs.

Look. I’m open minded. If you prefer your garments to be made from coarsely spun cotton, I have no problem with that. Live and let live, I say. Some favor synthetics, some blends, some wool, some muslin.

But to take and pervert a belief that one fabric is superior to all others, and that you alone know the unique truth, as though from God’s lips to your ear? It’s an abomination, and we can all see…

What?

…Oh… Muslin. Right. Got it.

Never mind. Damned spell check. Carry on. Nothing to see here.

Don’t you have some crap to buy or something?

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Comments

  1. Sun 25th Jan 2015 at 6:16 pm

    Sorry, but I just can’t cotton what this post is about. 🙂

    Reply
    • Russell Blake  –  Sun 25th Jan 2015 at 6:34 pm

      There’s nothing wrong with celebrity chefs or speaking French, mon ami. That’s my story, anyway, while you’re around.

      Reply
  2. Shaun
    Sun 25th Jan 2015 at 6:25 pm

    This is a topic that just makes me see red every single time because it makes me wonder if the sane people of this world are blind. Don’t they see what’s coming their way if they continue this pretense of bringing a paper knife to gun fight. If the sanity doesn’t stand up and drop the hammer on these folks to let them know we will not go quietly into the night, then I fear all is lost. it is only a matter of time. Frankly, I believe there are folks in the highest levels of the US government who actually want radical Islam to succeed and the decisions and in-decisions they are making are so blatant in that regard. They can’t be that stupid. it is either of two things: 1. They are Islamic radicals working for the establishment of Islam across the globe, or 2 they see this as an opportunity that the chaos will afford them the chance to assume dictatorial powers and completely change our way of life. If the option 2 is the real aim, then they are sadly mistaken that somehow they are going to be able to control Islam. They would be playing with fire. On that note, I better stop.

    Reply
    • Russell Blake  –  Sun 25th Jan 2015 at 6:32 pm

      …um…

      Reply
    • Heidi Kneale (Her Grace)  –  Wed 28th Jan 2015 at 12:31 am

      Um, Shaun? What does Islam have to do with fabric?

      Reply
  3. Sun 25th Jan 2015 at 6:30 pm

    If your going to say something have the backbone to say it. Don’t act cute.

    Reply
    • Russell Blake  –  Sun 25th Jan 2015 at 6:32 pm

      …er…

      It’s a parody. It mocks political rhetoric in general, and the methods the media uses to manipulate the mood of the masses.

      There. I said it.

      It’s. A. Parody.

      Reply
      • Robert  –  Mon 26th Jan 2015 at 1:38 pm

        I heard that some American’s didn’t get iorny – seems they were far right.

        Reply
        • Russell Blake  –  Mon 26th Jan 2015 at 2:25 pm

          Nope. Especially those who are privvy to a special truth only they know with complete certainty.

          True believers have killed more people than the plague, smallpox, and pneumonia combined. And anyone who believes it’s the exclusive province of one religious or racial group would be well advised to read up on the history of the crusades or the inquisition or the Salem witch trials, or the genocide of the native american people that cleared the way for our civilization to build prosperity using a slave-based economy, or to examine the murder of 30 million people by the Japanese in the Sino-Japanese conflict, or the Russian pograms, or the Cambodian extermination of intellectuals, and on and on and on.

          In all those cases, those with opposing views were always branded as dangerous and evil, and the answer was always hard line: they must pay so we can be safe.

          Give me a skeptic any day. Someone who thinks everything’s suspect. They tend to be harder to dupe, and at least willing to pay a little attention.

          Reply
          • Darlene Jones  –  Mon 26th Jan 2015 at 6:35 pm

            True believers (or the ones who claim to be) are the scariest of all. They have no vision.

    • Jim Self  –  Mon 26th Jan 2015 at 10:21 pm

      Having trouble there, Mr. Power? Because I think you’re the only one that isn’t getting it.

      If you want to live like a barbarian, fine. If you want to treat your women horribly, and they consent, okay, that awful, but fine. If you want to kill each other and both sides want the conflict to continue for another few thousand years, fine. I think you have the right to do whatever you want, so long as everyone consents.

      Just leave the rest of us out of it.

      That’s not what Muslim extremists are doing, is it? They’re raping 12 year old girls, torturing people, destroying and plundering, all the while saying “I do this to please God. I’m the good guy. If you don’t agree, die.” It’s an excuse that enables the worst sort of people to violate those they lay hands on. And some of them actually believe it. It’s like a virus, spreading death and misery wherever it infects.

      Let me know if that’s not explicit enough.

      Reply
  4. Sun 25th Jan 2015 at 6:48 pm

    I prefer 100% cashmere. Two ply, to be specific. Wearing a cardigan made of it now. Super cozy and tres chic.

    Reply
  5. Sun 25th Jan 2015 at 7:59 pm

    Jihad to go there didn’t you?

    (Lu lu lu lu lu lu lu lu lu!)

    Reply
    • Russell Blake  –  Mon 26th Jan 2015 at 8:59 pm

      Badda bing!

      Reply
  6. cinisajoy
    Sun 25th Jan 2015 at 8:09 pm

    Everyone should only wear 100% Texas grown cotton unless there is a severe drought in which case, Red Heart acrylic is the best choice.
    Note anything you make from Red Heart can be worn by many generations.

    Reply
    • Russell Blake  –  Sun 25th Jan 2015 at 9:15 pm

      And I believe cockroaches can eat it in a nuclear winter. Big win for acrylic!

      Reply
    • Heidi Kneale (Her Grace)  –  Wed 28th Jan 2015 at 12:33 am

      I’ll stick with my New Zealand-raised Merino wool, thank you.

      (Really? Acrylics? You heathen!)

      Reply
      • Laura  –  Fri 30th Jan 2015 at 4:58 am

        I dream of a world where we’re not divided by fiber choices. Where people of all materials be they acrylic, cotton, wool, cashmere, angora, or even quivit can all just knit and wear what we choose in peace. This starched earth policy isn’t good for anyone.

        Reply
  7. Sun 25th Jan 2015 at 8:35 pm

    Glad to see you didn’t hessiantate to get involved in this discussion.

    #struggling

    Reply
  8. Janet
    Sun 25th Jan 2015 at 9:02 pm

    In the fabric of life here in the USA, we must all find a way to blend in seamlessly to create a strong fiber that can withstand the wear and tear of modern life.

    Reply
    • Russell Blake  –  Sun 25th Jan 2015 at 9:11 pm

      It’s really the thread that binds us all.

      Reply
  9. Sun 25th Jan 2015 at 9:13 pm

    Aaah, fuck em. Let them eat polyester.

    Reply
  10. Amy Eyrie
    Mon 26th Jan 2015 at 2:49 am

    That’s quite a yarn you just spun…

    Reply
  11. gabby
    Mon 26th Jan 2015 at 12:19 pm

    “But to take and pervert a belief that one fabric is superior to all others, and that you alone know the unique truth, as though from God’s lips to your ear? It’s an abomination, and we can all see…

    What?

    …Oh… Muslin. Right. Got it. ”

    LOL!

    I’m a moderate Christian eating lunch with my very right-wing brother-in-law the other day.

    I was talking about how at my job, if they have a company meal, they have everyone bow their heads while the manager says a prayer. Which is kind of nice for me as a Christian but I explained that I feel like they really shouldn’t be doing that. (I live in the South now so kind of more expected here.)

    He said… Oh I think we should take back the country and … on and on about how everything would be better. And that nobody should be offended by that because no one is forcing them to pray with the rest. [apparently they can just sit their feeling awkward and not at all like their jobs are at risk by not participating.]

    I tend to just disengage at that point because he has a very rigid world view and I can’t actually have a conversation with him.

    But all I could think was, what if my work had everyone get out their prayer mats at 11am to pray toward Mecca. Would THAT be okay with him? Or would he be suddenly up in arms about allowing religious expression at work… and that whole pesky separation of church and state thing.

    I tend to feel like the very rights that protect others beliefs also … you know… protect mine.

    Anyway thank you for this… I got a good laugh. 🙂

    Reply
    • Russell Blake  –  Mon 26th Jan 2015 at 12:29 pm

      That’s the whole point of a parody. To get people to think differently.

      Dogma is never a substitute for reason.

      Reply
      • Robert  –  Mon 26th Jan 2015 at 1:40 pm

        Catma, on the other hand…

        Reply
    • Jim Self  –  Mon 26th Jan 2015 at 10:25 pm

      I’m with you, Gabby. I had to shift my views on some things when I was taught to think more clearly about what rights are. Protecting the right of someone to worship the Great Orb by riding naked on a wireframe reindeer also protects my right to believe what I want.

      So long as you’re riding your OWN wireframe reindeer.

      Reply
      • gabby  –  Tue 27th Jan 2015 at 11:47 am

        yes, exactly. 🙂

        I think I’m very much a Libertarian at heart. …live and let live and all that.

        Reply
  12. gabby
    Mon 26th Jan 2015 at 1:04 pm

    Yes, So true.

    just to try your patience with another response… but my husband and I have tried.. Palestinian / Israel thing.

    My husband asked him if it would be okay if all the countries got together and decided that the Native Americans had been wronged and to get their original homelands back. In recompense, he was moved to the desert cause it just suddenly wasn’t his land. He had no rights to the home he’d been living in

    ** crickets **

    But it didn’t make any difference. He just went to the corner to mope and rehash to my sister all the insightful talking points he’d made.

    From our perspective it was kind of funny… like fox news hadn’t prepped him yet on how to think on that part yet…

    Reply
    • gabby  –  Mon 26th Jan 2015 at 1:45 pm

      It’s not even to bring religion into it. It’s just he actually believes the Palestinians should be okay with what happened to them.

      But gee, flip it around and suddenly…. wait, nope.

      la, la, la- he ain’t hearing nothing. cause that might require being open to other facts and a little bit of gray in his black and white world.

      Reply
      • Jim Self  –  Mon 26th Jan 2015 at 10:28 pm

        At some point that becomes true for the Israelis living there now, too.

        I think the lesson is, it’s never a good time to displace people from where they’ve been living.

        Reply
    • Russell Blake  –  Mon 26th Jan 2015 at 2:20 pm

      Go view Noam Chomsky’s speech to the U.N. on Youtube from last year. It’s certainly an eye opener, and proof that not everyone is taken in by rhetoric and hypocrisy. Generally just the dim. Problem is there are way more of them than ever before – those who believe ten minutes of sound bites from their favorite “news” channel are a reasonable way to understand complex, nuanced issues. Oppressive regimes depend on the ignorance of their masses – if you listen to Nazi rhetoric, all their actions were for the protection of the people, as preemptive steps necessary to safeguard Germany’s interests, as responses to terrorism by slack-jawed monstrosities of adversaries, etc. etc. If that sounds familiar, well, it’s because there are no new ideas. You don’t have to be a wild-eyed Mullah spouting hate to be intolerant. There’s plenty to go around on all sides. History of the world, alas.

      Reply
  13. Mon 26th Jan 2015 at 6:05 pm

    Love the parody and I’m with Shaun on this one. We are in danger – likely both from within and without.

    Reply
    • Russell Blake  –  Mon 26th Jan 2015 at 7:33 pm

      Same as it ever was.

      Reply
  14. Mon 26th Jan 2015 at 8:48 pm

    Ummmm… speechless.

    Reply
  15. Mon 26th Jan 2015 at 9:06 pm

    What the hell is Russell talking abo…goddammit, he got me..

    Reply
  16. Collette
    Mon 26th Jan 2015 at 10:41 pm

    Than you, thank you, thank you….. Best laugh today. I’m only disappointed because there is no new crap from you for me to buy.

    Reply
    • Russell Blake  –  Mon 26th Jan 2015 at 11:23 pm

      Me too, Collette, me too.

      But Feb. 3rd I have a novella coming out. I think it’s rather good. Then again, I’m clearly not only a professional liar, but also delusional, so best to read the Look Inside before committing. Or you can always return it if it isn’t your cuppa, which is shorthand for sucks.

      Reply
      • Collette  –  Tue 27th Jan 2015 at 11:14 am

        No, no , no Russell I buy with 1-click and never look inside or read any reviews before I buy your crap. That would be a waste of reading time. Your books have NEVER been a disappointment for me. My faith in you remains unshakeable. So please keep cranking out your crap.
        FYI… I discontinued Kindle Unlimited after 2 months. I thought the authors were actually not being paid enough. Just didn’t seem fair.
        .

        Reply
  17. Mon 26th Jan 2015 at 10:44 pm

    I think I’m probably taking this all too seriously, but I also can’t resist saying something I’ve been thinking for a while. So there.

    You can’t ever have a form of government that dictates a religious stance without also oppressing the vast majority of its citizens.

    Let’s say the US becomes officially Christian. Okay. What kind of Christian? Because there are hundreds, thousands of different groups with different beliefs. Governments being what they are, we’d eventually have to argue and pass laws over which beliefs are correct. Which do we choose, and how? Say we choose Catholicism since it’s the biggest single Christian group. Catholics make up around 20% of the country. So, right there, you’re violating the religious freedom of 80% of the country. Start getting into more and more specific discussions and you start forcing things on that remaining 20% until virtually no one is allowed to practice as they believe.

    If you want to push your religious beliefs onto others, either by law or the sword, you’re stealing the freedom of everyone. Probably yourself included.

    Sorry to be a wet blanket. I wanted to weave some humor into this, but it would’ve just ended up a tangled knot so I sewed this sorry patch onto the end instead. I still don’t think it’s very punny.

    Reply
    • Russell Blake  –  Mon 26th Jan 2015 at 11:21 pm

      That’s why there’s a separation between church and state in the U.S.

      Interestingly, here in Mexico, a predominantly Catholic country, everybody pretty much does whatever they want. In fact, one of the slogans of the Mexican revolution was, “Better to die on your feet than live on your knees,” as a tip of the hat to the locals’ enthusiasm for the Church being involved in their affairs.

      Reality is that the entire U.S. was taken from someone, either Mexicans who were there because the Spanish took it from the native americans, or via genocide of the native americans, using not just bullets, but germ warfare (they loved to toss smallpox infested crap into reservations). The history of the world is through the unjust use of power to deprive one group of what they possess, so another can have it. Our history as a species is of unfairness, slaughter, viciousness of every stripe, always with whatever God we proclaim belief in on our side.

      That doesn’t in any way make it right. It’s more of a sad commentary on our species.

      I would be perfectly happy to let the porpoises have the next try at running the planet. We haven’t done a particularly stellar job.

      Reply
  18. Nicole Underhill
    Mon 26th Jan 2015 at 11:03 pm

    Thank god we have tons of heroes to protect our freedoms to wear permanent press, from countries who were never trying to take them!

    Reply
    • Russell Blake  –  Mon 26th Jan 2015 at 11:26 pm

      You’re forgetting the doctrine of preemptive strikes. You know, where we thought they were going to at some point maybe try to take them, perhaps based on faulty data, but still. If you can’t kill a million or two people so they can enjoy our sort of freedom rather than live under tyrants we supported for decades, what sort of freedom fighters are you, anyway?

      Reply
  19. gabby
    Tue 27th Jan 2015 at 11:23 am

    *** Breaking news from The Feed ***

    cell phone alert: Do NOT under any circumstances turn on the GPS app.
    That’s how They git you.

    I mean, keep the phone and the internet running. You got to be able to keep tuning into my show so I can keep spreading the fear… err, I mean truth.

    But make sure to keep the GPS part off. This way I’m giving you advice that sounds helpful but serves no purpose.
    This is my utmost priority right now – to keep you scared and keep you tuning in.

    And, also, otherwise they’ll git you.

    Because the people in the government hate America.
    I say this with a heavy heart, but I must tell you fellow Americans that because you know The Truth, you are on The List now. They are watching you. Don’t go to ground yet, I need you to keep tuning in and flooding the interwebs with my message.

    You don’t want to be on The List, but we must be strong together. You are in my inner circle now. The ones who understand what’s really going on.

    By tuning into my show you help pay for my 4th house on the private island… errr, did I say that out loud? I mean you keep yourself protected from those who can’t wait to git you.

    Because we must always be on guard against those who actively seek to destroy America.

    Taking back America from Them. One listener at a time.

    **** End Update ***

    Reply

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